hip-hop-violin:

I’ve been through every single thing that comes up in both of these discussions, I have had to deal with. From wondering whether or not church is the place for me, to feeling like instead of being at church, I was at school. At one point in my life, I didn’t ask questions at the church, because it was like they didn’t want to think about doubt, or face the fact that it happens. 

I am growing up in the church. The first church I went to, I hated. I also went to school at that same church. I started that school when I was three years old. Partly, I blame them for why I didn’t have a great childhood, and why I’m so socially awkward now. At Covenant (the school/church I went to) I was taught that all secular music was bad, that men who had earrings and long hair would be damned to hell. But I was never taught forgiveness at that school. I remember once in 2nd grade, I asked, “How do you even know that Jesus wasn’t just a magician?” When I asked that I got written up and sent to the office. After a while, it got old. I didn’t realize how I wasn’t thinking for myself. The pastor that taught me all of this stuff was forcing his beliefs on us. 

I got to switch churches. I go to the great church of Turner Chapel A.M.E. The youth there is like one big family. I’ve been there since I was 8 years old. When I read this piece on why Rachel left the church, I could literally say at my church, none of the 15 things she stated ever happen in the youth division at my church. We all ask questions, some borderline, some not. We all cry in church, we all tell stories about times we’ve completely lost faith. We talk about some of the bad things we’ve done. 

This makes me wonder, how can you possibly transition from the young church to the adult church? Everything that Ms. Rachel Evans talks about, does it only happen in the adult church. Because now I feel like once you become an adult, you are judged on everything you do in the sanctuary. 

I’m glad to hear your response, and I’m very sorry to hear about the church/school where you were when you were young.  The things that Ms. Evans listed in her blog post aren’t unique to adults, youth, or children.  They are things that can happen in a community of any age. 

The thing about faith is that you can only strengthen your faith by asking questions, by wondering, by doubting, by wrestling with God like Jacob did.  I would have been so pleased to have a second grader ask me if I thought Jesus might be a magician.  That’s a wonderful question!  As a child, you clearly knew that Jesus was something more than just a person, that Jesus had access to powers and abilities that we do not.  So what if magician isn’t the right word for what Jesus is?  By squashing your question, the teacher and principal lost a great teaching opportunity… and possibly damaged your natural inquisitiveness and curiosity.

When we hear statements like “all secular music is sinful” or “none of those Roman Catholics can go to heaven” or “every homosexual person is damned,” then alarm bells should be ringing in our minds.  Most absolute statements like these are not just wrong but heretical.  Who are we to say who God can let into heaven?  Who are we to say who must go to hell?  Who are we to condemn an entire genre of music or literature or painting?

It is my hope and prayer for you that you will continue to be fed and nurtured in your youth group.  I hope that, if and when you go to college or university, you will find a similarly nurturing community, where you can ask questions and debate theological questions and know that you are loved as God’s child.  And I hope that when you go to churches as an adult, you recognize the congregations that are healthy and wholesome and can distinguish them from the places of great fear and anger.  And may God shower blessings on you, so that you will be a blessing to those around you.

(Source: undercovernun, via heygawgeous)

A week or two ago, I was involved in a discussion in a church-related group about this piece by Rachel Held Evans about leaving church.  One response was “Well, she clearly wasn’t in one of our churches.”  Another was “She should try a different church instead of just giving up.”  While both of those statements might be true, I found them to be unhelpful advice for most who have been wounded by the church.

This morning, I was reading the linked blog post, and I was amazed at its wonderfulness.  I’ve always been a weirdo, hanging around on the margins of the “in” crowd.  I’ve often had this same feeling, that I don’t have any friends. I have terrible social instincts, though I’ve met people with even worse social skills than my own.  I’m totally fascinated by fields most people find dry and boring, and I can talk about them for hours, even for hours after anyone listening to me has moved on to more interesting things… or to any other thing at all!

So Mr. Peacock’s piece resonated deeply with me, and it reminded me that high school isn’t the only place this happens.  It happens at workplaces, and it happens at gyms, and it happens online, and it even happens in churches.

Yes, even churches have “in” crowds and popular people and weirdos hanging on at the fringes.  I know, because I’ve been there — hanging on at the fringes, that is.  These fringe-hanging weirdos are often injured and wounded by others in the community, usually unintentionally but hurt all the same.  They don’t fit the expected mold, usually a family with children or a retired couple.  They may be a divorced mother or a bright single man or an autistic woman in her 50s or a young person who is clearly called to ministry.  They may come to church ready and eager to jump in and serve, and we may feel threatened by their need.  They may come to church already hurting, already damaged by the world or by other church communities, needing comfort, safety, love.  But we don’t know what to do with them, so they stay at the margins where we may never notice that they disappear.

As strange as this may sound, being a weirdo oddball fringe-hanger-onner is part of the reason I am a Sister today.  See, weirdos can handle their weirdness in a couple of ways: we can try to deny it and push it aside even though everyone knows it’s there, or we can accept it and embrace it and own it as part of our identity.  When I stumbled on the web site for my Order, I was gobsmacked.  These were my people!  After inquiry and formation time as a postulant, I was thrilled to participate in our annual Chapter, where I was clothed as a novice.  Within 30 seconds of walking into the church, I knew I was at home.  I’d found the other weirdo church geeks!  They see who I am, and they accept me, and they encourage me to be a weirdo-ier, oddball-ier me, to be the me God creates me to be, the me that the Holy Spirit breathes into me each day. 

So while I don’t advocate calling other people at church losers — much less delivering the rather strong and profane message that Joe gives Bradley at the end of his story — I want all the other oddballs out there to know this, too.  It is okay.  It may suck right now, but it gets better.  This is Eastertide, the church’s annual 50-day long feast and celebration of resurrection: God promises it gets better.  And God should know, beloved friend, because when God made you, he called you very good.

Rachel Held Evans is a rock star.  While this post is personal to her, it also has a number of elements that will sound familiar to many.  How many of these reasons have you experienced?

I left the church when I was twenty-seven. I am now thirty, and after trying unsuccessfully to start a house church, my husband and I are struggling to find a faith community in which we feel we belong. I’ve been reluctant to write about this search in the past, but it seems like such a common experience, I think it’s time to open up, especially now that I’ve had some time to process. But let’s begin with fifteen reasons why I left: 

1. I left the church because I’m better at planning Bible studies than baby showers…but they only wanted me to plan baby showers. 

2. I left the church because when we talked about sin, we mostly talked about sex.

3. …..

How many homeless people come to your church on a Sunday?  You know, the ones Jesus told us to shelter and house.  How many poor people?  I don’t mean merely those of us who struggle to get from paycheck to paycheck; I mean poor.  Poor as in, “I have to buy medicine for the baby, so I won’t be able to eat for a week.”  Poor as in wearing clothes that are dirty and smelly, because there wasn’t enough left over for the laundromat this week.  How many people with brain disorders come to your church?  Those with autism and migraine, yes, but also those who hear voices or talk to themselves or act out inappropriately.

This blog post challenges us to be church better than we are, by allowing ourselves to be less than perfect.

Let me ask you, doesn’t it seem like Jesus’ followers–the ones who’ve seen His miracles and heard the words of life that flow from His mouth–would be the biggest proponents of bringing the lost, hurting, and broken before Him? That makes sense, right? But sadly, that’s not always what we see.

Take the story of Jesus healing the blind beggar in Luke 18, for instance. The other day, God brought my attention to a part of the story that usually gets very little attention: the crowd.

Most of us Christians are the crowd in the story he quotes.  We’re the ones who tell the blind man to shut up, because we can’t hear Jesus teaching us.  We are the priest and the rabbi who leave the dying man by the side of the road, so that it is a person from a marginalized and oppressed community who saves him. 

We are so fearful that we’ll lose what we think is ours that we avoid even seeing those who have less than we do.  I cling to the last $50 of my paycheck, when down the street is a man who didn’t get anything to eat yesterday.  And as I drive by in my car, I keep my head facing forward so I don’t have to see him and notice him.

May God have mercy on my soul… and on all of us.

And how funny is that?  I know the rector knows who I am, but I didn’t know he was coming to me for sermon ideas!  ;-)

Worship not warming up so quickly in the mornings? General sense of apathy? Nasty grinding noises at the congregational meetings? Things over-heating?  Maybe things are getting a bit fragged-up. It’s time to De-frag your Congregation™ !

That’s right!  With the new De-fragger, your congregation can go from looking like this —

— to looking like this —

You have to admit, that second congregation will be much more alive, bringing new growth to your parish and its ministries. 

Mr. Burton Dasset, how can I purchase De-frag Your Congregation™ for my own parish?

As a teenager and a young adult, I was very involved in volunteer service. Now, as a parent with young children, I need to hire a babysitter just to be able to volunteer, since many organizations don’t welcome children. Nor do they offer evening or weekend opportunities, when friends and family are more available to help me.

That’s why one of the greatest benefits to me as a church member has been the opportunity to volunteer and bring my children along.

Yes, I have found it hard sometimes to participate in the more traditional volunteer duties in my church. I could not teach Sunday school, for instance, with a screaming infant on my hip; nor could I read the scripture during service with my two-year-old trying to sing into the microphone. 

But if, like me, you’re willing to explore other possibilities, you’ll find that your church offers many formal and informal ways to volunteer—whether you want to help your teen get some job experience, involve your children in services or get involved yourself. …..

This really isn’t rocket science.  It’s actually pretty easy.  Here are two important things to think about…

• Make sure that all volunteer opportunities in the parish are documented, with a contact person for each.
• If the same people always do the same job, year after year, then get new blood in there.  You’ll know this is the case when you hear both, “Nobody ever offers to help us do ___” and “I wish I knew how I could get involved in ___.”

This column from the Anglican Journal has more great tips.  Go give it a read.  You’ll be glad you did!