All posts tagged forgiveness
I'm not always wearing my full habit...
Today in Church Sign Theology, we have this gem:
GOD GIVES AND FORGIVES AND PEOPLE GET AND FORGET
It meets Rule Number One of church signs, in that it’s a catchy little phrase including a play on words. It’s cute, and I liked it right away.
Even better? It’s actually pretty decent theology. What God gives isgrace,the freely-offered gift that we can never earn or deserve. Part of God’s grace is limitless love, love that knows no boundaries; out of that love comes God’s limitless forgiveness, forgiveness that God offers to every single person in the world, every person who ever has been, is now, or will be in the future.
We are not so good at the receiving, though, are we? How often does someone offer a gift — like a compliment or praise — that we try to diminish? How often do we refuse to accept a gift of kind words? Or try to control the gift, to offer something in return so that we get to set the value? There is absolutely nothing we can give to God in exchange for grace; the value of God’s grace is infinite — how can we possibly grab hold of it and control it?
The answer is simple: we can’t. And yet, many of us spend our entire lives trying to earn God’s love or to refuse God’s forgiveness or to accept God’s gifts only on our own terms.
Instead of merely getting, perhaps we should try receiving and accepting. Instead of just allowing God’s love to fall on us, maybe we could try saying, “Yes, God! Thank you for such a wonderful gift! I know I don’t deserve it, but I will share it with others. You’re so generous — really, thank you!”
And that, beloved friends, is today’s episode of Church Sign Theology.
For Church Sign Theology #2 this morning, we have: FORGIVENESS IS THE BEST REVENGE.
This one isn’t quite as funny as the Church Sign Theology #1 was. The idea here can make you smile, and I’m reminded of St. Paul’s admonition (which is a repeat of this passage in Proverbs) to treat your enemies with kindness, “for by doing this you will heap burning coals on their heads.” Choosing behavior that models what I call the “Be-the-Bigger-Person Strategy” can indeed frustrate those who oppose or wrong us, but is it really what God calls us to?
The easy answer is this: No.
True forgiveness, the forgiveness Jesus modeled on the cross, has nothing to do with strategy or heaping burning coals. Rather, the forgiveness God commands of us is transformative; it changes us, in the deepest places of our hearts and minds. God does not call us to forget, and God does not expect us to say It’s okayevery time someone says I’m sorry. There are times when it is not okay, when we are still hurt or angry and not ready to let go of the injury. There are things that we do to each other that may never be okay. But God still calls us to Christlike forgiveness, to the love that can say “They don’t know what they’re doing” as it is nailed to an instrument of painful and humiliating death.
So forgiveness as revenge? No. This is not a Christian idea. If we are seeking revenge, then we are not loving our neighbor. Try this instruction from Jesus instead:
‘But I say to you that listen, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. If anyone strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also; and from anyone who takes away your coat do not withhold even your shirt. Give to everyone who begs from you; and if anyone takes away your goods, do not ask for them again. Do to others as you would have them do to you.
‘If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. If you lend to those from whom you hope to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to receive as much again. But love your enemies, do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return. Your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High; for he is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
And there’s the key: when we are able totrulyforgive, we don’t expect anything in return. When we find this true forgiveness, we realize that it is pure grace, a gift, unearned and undeserved. We cannot ever earn or deserve the love and forgiveness that God showers on us, but God still loves us and forgives us. There is no revenge in God’s grace. Forgiveness is not revenge. Forgiveness can never be revenge.
This church sign is a fail.
Of life, death, family, love, and the meaning of it all
This is an absolutely, breathtakingly beautiful story. If it doesn’t make you cry, it will at least make the tears well up in your eyes. I would include some of it here in a blockquote, but I couldn’t bear to lift any piece of it on its own.
As I read, I was reminded of my time in late November, at my grandmother’s bedside in the hospital and in the hospice. Nana was unable to really respond to us, but she heard us and I believe she could understand some of what we were talking about. When the conversation became agitated, because my sister got screwed over by the airline, Nana became restless and made sounds of pain. But when we sat around sharing memories and family stories, laughing about Nana’s foibles and our own, she was peaceful. Her brow would un-furrow, and she would lie still and quiet.
Not only do people talk about family when they are dying, but that’s what the people around them talk about. Our lives are made up of stories, and our relationships are made up of shared stories. When you peel away all the trappings of our lives, that’s what we have left: our selves, our families, our stories. This is how we know just the slightest bit about God’s love, God’s forgiveness, God’s grace.
Go read the story. You’ll be glad you did.
Comment for today’s lectionary for my preaching followers
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me! I once was lost, but now am found; was blind, but now I see.
Undercover Nun is overwhelmed at the moment. I am grinning like a wild woman, while tears run down my cheeks. What has overwhelmed me so?
Each week, my parish sends an e-newsletter to our members. Usually the e-news opens with a reflection from our rector, but this week’s is different. This week, the newsletter opens with an excerpt from a letter that the parish received from a man who had come to us homeless, addicted, and full of pain and grief. His fianceé had kicked him out, and he yearned powerfully to be good enough for her to love again.
I remember this man, and I’ve been wondering about him over the last few months. I hoped he was in a home again, and not on the streets. I hoped he’d been clean from alcohol and drugs. I hoped he’d found forgiveness and love from his family and his fianceé. I prayed for him every day. And now I know just a little bit of his story:
I haven’t smoked or drank anything since September 19, 2010. God gave us another chance and now we are together in a suburban neighborhood in Fort Worth, TX. Tomorrow (July 8) we will be married. My seizure condition hasn’t gotten any better so I set up an office in our new home. I work from home…and will begin college in September to finish the pursuit of my Bachelors of Psychology.
I could not rest until I said thank you to you and to let you know how much that I love you for being so helpful and influential. We stayed for one week at St. John’s in the (winter) shelter and all you asked was for us to come to church the following Sunday. Four of us came and I still remember the tears (you) shed because you were glad to see us there. Genuine sincerity is what you…have in your hearts.
When he first came to my parish, I was leading the discussion time in the Adult Forum. I’d gotten there early to copy my handouts and make sure the room was set up properly. Over the next several weeks, I got to know this man a bit more. He told me some of his story and asked me to pray for him. I would see him before the Sunday school hour each week, and we’d talk a little while I got set up.
A few weeks later, our interim rector invited the homeless support organization through which our parish does a lot of work, so they came and spoke at the Adult Forum. Since I wasn’t leading the forum, I attended the first part before slipping off to the choir room for our warm-up and rehearsal. I learned later that this man had spoken about me, that if I’d heard what he said, I would have been just as overwhelmed, grinning like a madwoman through the tears of awe and joy. I don’t think I’ll ever know what he said, but that doesn’t matter.
What matters are these.
- God is at work in the world around us. We may not understand how or why, but we are never alone.
- Prayer changes things. Prayer isn’t the dollar bill you slip into a vending machine God, who dispenses the item you request. It may be that prayer changes God, or that prayer changes the world, or that prayer only really changes me. But it does something.
- There is hope. There is always hope. Even when you have been kicked out of your home by the love of your life and rejected by your family, even when you are living on the streets, even when you are ill and addicted and have no place to turn — even then, there is hope.
- God is the king, queen, and entire royal family of second chances. And third chances. Seventh chances, Eighty-fifth chances, four-hundred-ninety-fourth chances. God never gives up on us, even when we give up on God.
The prodigal fiancé has returned home, and there is rejoicing in heaven! He was lost, and now is found! He had died, and now is alive! Thanks be to God!
Mark Driscoll is a bully. Stand up to him.
Dear Entire World,
Mark Driscoll is not a typical Christian. I promise you, the majority of us by far do our best to embrace the infinite loving-kindness of God, as shown to us in the person of Jesus. While none of us is perfect, we do know that we must value and respect all persons. We know that, while sex and gender and orientation are fundamental to our identity as a person, these have absolutely nothing to do with God’s love for anyone. We agree with Rachel Held Evans when she says:
Mark Driscoll is wrong.
Godly men stick up for people, not make fun of them.
Godly men honor women, not belittle them.
Godly men love their gay and lesbian neighbors, not ridicule them.
Godly men celebrate femininity, not trash it.
Godly men own their sexuality, not flaunt it.
Godly men pursue peace, not dismiss it.
Godly men rise above violence, not glorify it.
Godly men build up the Church, not embarrass it.
Godly men imitate Christ—who praised the gentle and the peacemakers, who stood up for the exploited and abused, who showed compassion for the downtrodden, who valued women, and who loved his enemies to the point of death.
Christians take seriously the charge Jesus gives us to forgive each other, forgiving over and over and over. We also take seriously the charge Jesus gives us to take care of every person, most especially the least of these, those who are unable to protect themselves.
With each word spoken, each blog posted, each tweet or facebook status message, Mr. Driscoll does harm to the least of these. He puts stumbling blocks between God’s children and God’s kingdom. Christlike forgiveness does not mean we have to allow this harmful behavior to continue.
On behalf of Christianity, I am so very sorry for the harm Mr. Driscoll continues to do to anyone who isn’t just like him. I hope you will be able to see that no one person can represent the Church as a whole; we are so varied, so many, so different. Please don’t let Mr. Driscoll be your only experience of God and God’s church.
With love,
the Undercover Nun
One thing more about apologies…
Undercover Nun believes that one of the cruelest things one can do to another person is to refuse an apology. Never, ever do this. Please. If you’re not ready to forgive, you don’t have to say, “That’s okay.” You can simply say, “Thank you.” If you need to say more, then tell the person that you’re still a bit angry but that you appreciate their apology; when you’ve had some time and space to calm down, all will be well again.
I once lived with someone who believed that “I’m sorry” really meant “I’ve done a dreadful thing, and it’s completely my fault, and I will never ever ever do such a thing again.” Because he could not believe that you would never do such a thing again, he would refuse any and all apologies he was given, throwing them back in your face: “I don’t believe you.”
The words “I’m sorry” actually mean “I have sorrow.” An apology means “I have sorrow for my actions that caused you hurt or anger.” It is opening a door to forgiveness or reconciliation. For small hurts, like accidentally stepping on your best friend’s toe or forgetting to put milk on the shopping list, there isn’t much to forgive. The exchange is usually “I’m sorry,” followed immediately by “It’s okay.” And it is okay, because it was a small thing.
For bigger things, though, or for small things that are part of a larger pattern, we may not be ready to forgive and reconcile yet. This is okay, even for Christians! God knows that forgiving is not always an easy thing to do, and God knows when we are willing, but not yet ready, to forgive. God even knows when we aren’t willing to forgive, but God can work with this, too. Sometimes it’s enough to want to be willing to forgive. “I’m still really pissed off about this,” we think. “I know I should forgive her for stealing my boyfriend, but I don’t want to! I know she was my best friend, but how could she do that to me?” She may have apologized. The right response in that case is simply, “Thank you.” Just don’t ever throw the apology back in someone’s face.
I mean this. It’s very important, especially for those in serious relationships and marriages. Make a promise early on that you will never refuse an apology from your spouse. You don’t have to be ready to forgive, but you can always say, “I know that was hard for you to say. I appreciate it.” You can always say, “Thank you.”
phantasmagorical: A discussion has arisen on Twitter surrounding Andrew Marin’s book...
A discussion has arisen on Twitter surrounding Andrew Marin’s book Love Is An Orientation. I have not read the book and so I cannot comment on it. I have heard that Andrew avoids the question of the moral standing of homosexuals because he is more interested in establishing caring relationships…
This! Go read the whole thing. NOW! :-)
This is in response to me saying that men and women were both created in the image of God and so they deserve equality in all things.
At this point, my “bitch please” face is basically permanent.
Also, I really hate this sort of language. It’s very foreign to me, so it comes off as very holier-than-thou and contrived (probably my problem, not his). And I understand the concept of humanity being absolutely vile but it’s not something I hear about often.
The Christians I look up to talk a lot about grace, but they also talk about creation being good (meaning Adam and Eve are good). We just slip up frequently.
Anyway. Last time I promise.
Undercover Nun joins you in your “bitch please” face. Nuns are good at making that face, of course. :-)
Creation is not only good, but at the end of the sixth day? God looks back over everything that is, and God says it is very good. This is awesome stuff, right? And we know this already. Trees, flowers, birds? Very good! Beautiful! Rivers, brightly-colored fish, baby ducklings? Adorable! Precious! Mountains, herds of bison, tigers, wolves? Grand! Terrible and wonderful!
To set @Gods_Advocate straight, I would say that every single person that lives now, ever has lived, or ever will live has the same value in God’s eyes. Jesus gave us many parables to explain this to us. And this is the meaning of grace: every one of us gets the same wages for our life, no matter how much of it we’ve spent as committed Christians. Grace means that when God judges us all, we’re all found wanting, and God forgives each one of us as freely and extravagantly as the next.
This person is correct in that we do not deserve to receive God’s grace. The definition of grace is that it is unearned and undeserved; the corollary is that God’s grace is unearnable and undeservable! Nothing we can do will ever earn us God’s love and forgiveness; we can never do enough good deeds to deserve God’s love and forgiveness. But — and here’s the Good News! — neither can we ever un-earn or lose our deservingness. God’s grace simply is: as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end.
How amazing is that?!
Yes, there is sometimes value in contemplating our own unworthiness. This can help (some of) us (at some times) to understand what an amazing and extravagant gift it is that God offers to us through Christ. I mean, I know how often I slip up, and yet I get the same grace as people like Mother Theresa and Saint Paul. Of course, Mother Theresa and Saint Paul and I also get the same grace as Saddam Hussein and Adolf Hitler and Osama bin Laden. That’s what grace means: we’re all equally deserving, because none of us can possibly deserve it.
Undercover Nun is with you in finding this kind of language generally unhelpful, especially when used in a negative sense, as this was in context. About the only time you really hear me talking about whether we deserve grace is when I hear someone who needs building up. And to receive this as a rebuke? How does that build up the kingdom of God? How does that win souls to Christ?
I’d far rather waltz with Jesus through the delirious whirl of scandalous love and extravagant grace. Because men and women, planets and stars and galaxies, plants and animals, microbes and viruses, electrons and quarks and photons — all of it is very good!
Daily news reports remind us that Christian pastors and leaders are just as sinful and fallen as those they disparage for not being a Christian, One thing I learned as a Pastor is that people with seemingly perfect lives are not telling the truth about their lives. I used to say that the hardest thing to do is convince a person they are a sinner and need Jesus. The second hardest thing to do is convince Christians that they still are sinners. As Christians get older then tend to forget their own frailness and often become quite self-righteous.
Our Life is PROOF that Christianity is the Real Deal (via azspot) (via silas216)
Amen. Undercover Nun notes that the rite of Reconciliation of a Penitent (formerly known in Roman Catholic circles as Confession) both begins and ends with the request: Pray for me, a sinner.
The thing is, the request at the beginning is on the part of the penitent person. The one at the end? It is the person hearing the confession and pronouncing God’s forgiveness who owns up to being a sinner and asks for prayer. It’s powerful stuff.
