Dear beloved Sister in Christ,

I’m not God.  I can’t explain why this has happened.  But I love you, and God loves you, and neither of us wants to see you hurting.

Your ex-boyfriend sucks.  Truly.  It sounds like he is an abuser, even if he never harmed you physically.  The wounds of verbal and emotional abuse, and the scars they leave behind, are every bit as real as physical injuries.  Most importantly, you are not responsible for his intolerable and reprehensible behavior.  You do not deserve what happened.  What you are responsible for is the choices you may from now on, how you choose to live your life.  Right now, you’re a victim.  The dream of my heart is to see you transformed into a survivor.  That is where God is calling you. 

I know this, because I was a victim, and I’m a survivor now.  I have loved someone who may not ever know how to love.  I married and lived for more than 15 years with an abuser, with someone who punished me until I no longer even needed him to be the punisher: I became perfectly capable of doing it to myself.  I, too, have felt like a ruined woman, like used goods, like a person no man in his right mind would want.

And today, I am married to the most wonderful man in the world.  He’s cute, but goofy-looking.  He’s brilliant, and he’s broken.  He’s just like me, and we’re totally different.  And he treats me like a precious gift.

There is such a thing as a godly relationship, as a Christian romance.  This isn’t necessarily about abstinence or austerity.  It is about the kind of love Jesus calls us to.  It is recognizing your partner as that precious and beautiful gift, a gift that God entrusts to us for a time, to lovingly care for.  It is sometimes about giving up what you want, so that your partner can have what he or she needs; it is also about accepting the gifts your partner has lovingly given you, out of similar sacrifice.  It is about recognizing each day that you are in this relationship, this romance, this partnership because both of you have chosen to be there.  Neither of you is trapped.  Neither of you is forced.  It is your choice.

So you’re not a virgin.  So what!  What is past is past, and the only one who gets to hold that against you is God.  But God is a God of compassion and grace and forgiveness — God chooses not to hold it against you.  So don’t hold it against yourself!  You are beautiful, and you are precious, and you are a gift God has given to all of us.  And when you have trouble believing in that for yourself, I ask you to put your trust in people of faith and grace: we’ll believe in you for you.

This sucky, abusive ex-boyfriend does have one redeeming value.  He brought you to the Church, and he brought you to God.  He may suck as a Christian — I don’t know his heart, so I won’t say he does — but he gave you at least this one, very precious gift.  God exists.  And God will never, ever, ever, ever leave you alone.  Trust me on this one: even when I’ve tried to get God to eff off and leave me the eff alone (and in those words), all God does is take one step back, give me a little space, and stand there, ready to embrace me in God’s loving arms again.  God weeps for you, and God weeps with you.  God aches for your brokenness, and God yearns to fill you with God’s healing light.

In 1998, the abuse I’d experienced in my marriage drove me into a severe depression.  I was hospitalized three times that year, the third time following a suicide attempt.  Yes, I chose to try to end my life; that was the depth of my despair and hopelessness.  But I’m still here.  I may have committed what is called the unforgivable sin, the complete rejection of God; I’ve also learned that anyone afraid of committing this sin, truly has not.  I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death, and I know God is with me.

I know God is with you, dear one, even when you cannot sense God’s presence.

The Lord bless you and keep you.
The Lord make his face to shine upon you
and be gracious unto you.
The Lord lift up the light of his countenance upon you
and give you peace.

And may the blessing of our infinitely-loving, perfectly-forgiving God be with you, beloved sister, in the name of the Father who runs to greet the prodigal with hugs; and in the name of Jesus who lived as a man and experienced abandonment, hopelessness, and rejection; and in the name of the Holy Spirit, who is present with us in wind and water and fire. 

Amen.

… God shows up with a surprise!

Ravaged village in north of Kyrgyzstan offers a blueprint for reconciliation in the south

MAYEVKA, Kyrgyzstan (AP) — In this ethnically splintered village, many residents were appalled last week when Kyrgyz men appeared with wheel-barrows and bags of cement to help rebuild one of their homes.

It had been the Kyrgyz, after all, who had looted and burned every Turkish house they came across three months ago.

But for the Kyrgyz government, Mayevka offers a bit of hope for its effort to move past the ethnic violence that swept the south of Kyrgyzstan last month, as well as a stark reminder of how painful the recovery will be. …

hatred and fear of the Kyrgyz majority are still widespread in this village, and shared by many of the grieving Uzbek hundreds of miles away in the southern cities of Osh and Jalal-abad. Since the violence there, many of the Uzbeks have refused to be treated by Kyrgyz doctors or to shop at Kyrgyz stores, let alone wander into Kyrgyz neighborhoods.

But in Mayevka, the first signs of reconciliation have begun to show.

Ben-Ali Dursunov, a Turkish member of the village council, became the first last week to allow Kyrgyz workers to help rebuild his home, beneath whose blackened rafters his family of ten has been sleeping for almost three months.

On Thursday, his 4-year-old grandson Anvar surveyed their efforts from his little blue go-kart, smiling and forever getting in the way.

“We have to start moving forward somehow, little by little,” said the elder Dursunov. “We can’t let the kids live in all this bitterness.”

Starting this week, the work of the United Nations in Kyrgyzstan will shift in a similar direction. The U.N. Development Program is sending a team of experts on Tuesday to train teachers in the methods of reconciliation, and starting July 15, it will start opening around 20 “safe zones” in the south for children of all ethnicities to interact. …

Undercover Nun is so chuffed by this.  Here, in a small town in Kyrgyzstan, is the Kingdom of God.  Here the mighty have become lowly, to raise up the poor.  Here the world has turned upside-down, so that reconciliation and love can take root and grow. 

Thanks be to God!  Rejoice with me, for what was lost has now been found!  What was wrong is now being made right!  The Kingdom of God is fulfilled in our midst!

Please, my dear brothers and sisters, pray for the people of Mayevka and of Kyrgyzstan, for continuing reconciliation and peace.  Healing and forgiveness are hard work, but they are the most important work we can do.

Deep breath.

GOD WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY. I never thought doing the right thing and accepting help would mean losing my education.

I have a 3.5+ GPA. I’m an honors student. I work hard.

Because of false accusations on my record and previous “attempts” and “gestures,” the MD said “I’m not…

Jesus, help her.  Please.  All I have are prayers and virtual hugs, and they are not enough.  God, please hold your precious child in your hands, so that she can feel your warm love and see your light.  Help her to know that she is loved, perfectly and completely, for who she is and not for what she has done or what has been done to her.  Shine your light on her path, and guide her footsteps. 

Send your holy angels to watch over her and protect her.  Blessed Saint Gabriel, carry God’s loving word to her ear.  Blessed Saint Uriel, bring her release from fear and anxiety.  Blessed Saint Raphael, fill her with the healing power of Christ.  Blessed Saint Michael, stand watch beside her, and keep her safe from all harm.

Father and Mother of all Creation, hold your daughter to you, in safety and life-giving love.

Jesus, our brother and savior, you know her wounds, pain, and humiliation.  Comfort her and walk with her through the darkness.

Holy Spirit, river of living water, life in the earth that upholds us, flame above the apostles’ heads at the Pentecost, wind that broods over us all, fill this young woman with blessings.

In the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus,
Amen.

Pope Benedict XVI has begged forgiveness from clerical abuse victims and promised to “do everything possible” to ensure priests don’t rape and molest children ever again.

Pardon me!  Goodness gracious me!  I just had to pick myself up from the floor.  I seem to have laughed so hard there were tears running down my face!  Poor Bishop Benedict!  Oh, the dear, dear man is so adorable, isn’t he?

Let’s see… Undercover Nun has not been able to uncover evidence that the good Bishop of Rome has “[done] everything possible” in the past to prevent rape and molestation by the clergy.  In fact, I seem to recall the good Cardinal being involved in keeping evidence of such abhorrent abuse of power hushed, and hidden from the media.  Perhaps Undercover Nun is getting forgetful, now that her late 30s are upon her.

I do agree with the Right Reverend on one count: clerical celibacy is not the root cause of rape, sodomy, molestation, and abuse.  Those stem from human pathology, and are present in every demographic in the world (yes, including among women).  Abusers can be any age, from any country, from any ethnic group.  Abusers can work at any job, can study at any school, can ride the bus or drive an Aston Martin.  Abusers can seem creepy, funny, especially nice, or just plain ordinary.

I named this an abhorrent abuse of power, and so it is.  So is abuse at the hands of a doctor, a nurse, a teacher, a police officer, a soldier, a parent, or anyone else who is perceived to have power over you. It should be absolutely no surprise to anyone that there would be abusers among the clergy.  It has nothing to do with the job or the requirements of the job.  It has everything to do with a sick brain.

Now, as Undercover Nun remembers from the times she has participated in the rite of reconciliation, there is one thing required: repentance.  Only God knows whether our good Bishop of Rome is truly repentant.  Only God knows whether the clergymen who have committed abuse, as well as those who participated in ignoring and covering up the abuse, are truly repentant.  Undercover Nun is prepared to be generous, even in the lack of evidence.  But I suspect that not all those who have been profoundly damaged by clerical abuse will feel this way. 

Bishop Benedict, Undercover Nun prays for your immortal soul, and for the souls of all your clergy and religious.

And I pray for healing in body, mind, and spirit, for all who have been touched by molestation, rape, and abuse.  God loves you, as the precious creation that you are.  I do, too.

P.S. In case you hadn’t figured it out yet, Undercover Nun is Episcopalian.  Undercover Nun is unabashedly catholic, but is definitely far from Roman Catholic.  Are you confused now?